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| BOYAKA BOYAKA! JUNGLE IS MASSIVE!
BOYAKA BOYAKA! JUNGLE IS MASSIVE!
It has been a well long time since I has totally done a blog, innit? I is well ready to do one now.
I am talking like Ali G again, had a bit of beer, en;ough for a good fucking buzz. Speaking of Ali G Sacha Baron Cohen owes me a fucking lot of thanks for promoting and proseletyzing his shit. I got my brother into it during or after the first season. I got my friend Justin into it during the second season. I think I got a former cart pusher named Chris (though like P Diddy he changed his name first to 409 and now to 409-404-Cough Medicine-44) into the show a few months before Borat came out. Finally I got current cart pusher Rick into it and he even bought it on dvd.
UPDATE: I have eaten dinner and now, to stay buzzed enough to keep doing this I am now drinking this horrible concoction of 60% vodka and 40% Fresca. It tastes pretty bad but there is a lot of vodka in it.
So hear me now: This blog is well gonna be divided into four sections innit? Kinda like the four winds or the four directions or whatever else has four as a number.
BLOG SECTION #1: My vacation to Oshkosh, Wisconsin.
BLOG SECTION #2: How to repel a dumbass.
BLOG SECTION #3: We analyze a random sin that legend has it can banish you to hell.
BLOG SECTION #4: You would well like to know, innit? I don't even know yet. I is just totally going to play it by ear, innit? It is fucking gonna blow your mind.
Ok, so hear goes:
#1: My vacation to Oshkosh, Wisconsin.
'Twas a bit of an adventure innit? After traveling to Juno, Wisconsin (named after the Roman goddess Juno, which I totally got) my father, a pilot, was to meet with a group to fly in formation together to Oshkosh, Wisconsin, the biggest aviation event of the year and the busiest airport during that week. My dad flies a plane called an Ercoupe (built in 1946) and this was a fly in of all Ercoupes in formation (there was nine in total). Now listen people, there is nothing that special abokut a bunch of similar airplanes flying together in formation to Oshkosh's aviation festival (called AirVenture), but the Ercoupe fly in WAS special. "WHY WAS THE ERCOUPE FLY-IN SPECIAL?!?!?!" you is well asking, "TELL ME GODDAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I will tell you. One of the pilots was, shall we say, not your ordinary pilot. It was a young teen girl, a bit different in and of itself, who had NO FUCKING ARMS! That's right, how often do girls without arms fly planes? Not very fucking often. To be honest I was a bit nervous flying in formation with a girl with no arms piloting a plane in front of us. However, when I discovered she was Asian I was like totally relieved. You see, as bad as it may sound, and I don't want to sound racist, but I would trust an Asian young girl pilot without arms any day over a white young girl pilot with arms, especially a blonde white young girl pilot with arms. The affair was filmed by TLC (The Learning Channel) for a documentary.
Another television bit I witnessed being recorded was a race between a motorcycle and a plane. it was fake and dumb and nobody cared so they made people cheer the next day to edit some excitement into the show (a helicopter recorded it). The motorcycle was driven by a fellow known as Paul Sr. and the bit should air on a show called "American Chopper" innit?
Finally, at Oshkosh I was able to get my picture taken and kind of meet (at least exchange a few words with) one of my favourite actors, if not THEE favourite actor, Indiana Jones/Han Solo himself, Harrison Ford. I asked the bloke for a picture with him and he was nothing but gracious, polite and kind. I was afraid he would be an asshole, and was especially trepidatious after seeing Bruno, but he was totally cool.
#2: How to repel a dumbass.
For our second topic let's travel back in time to the year 2005 I think. We hired a dumbass cart pusher (many would find this phrase redundant) who looked a wee bit like Shrek from the Shrek series of movies. He was ugly, stupid and annoying. Let us focus on his stupidity. He was trying to hang around me and Chris one day (my bad, Chris is now known as 409-404-Cough Medicine-44) and since he was annoying we wanted to be rid of him. I started talking to 409-404-Cough Medicine-44 about politics, not too heavy, but heavy enough that you had to be at least not a total dumbass to follow. The Shrek looking dude walked away. 409-404-Cough Medicine-44 congratulated me for thwarting the dumbass.
Flash forward to 2009. August 2009 to be closer. August 8, 2009 to be exact. a new dumbass is here, we'll call him "Jeff". Perhaps not a 'tard but definitely a dumbass. He has called himself "Messiah" in the past, but I just call him "dumbass with a head injury". This bit reminds me of a legend concerning "Jeff" that me and Rick made up:
People have been wondering about the second coming of Christ for about two thousand years now. We thought that perhaps he did come back, but as "Jeff". He was perfect and would have saved humanity, but the new Joseph, "Jeff's" father was so jealous of how perfect "Jeff" was and how perfect his body was (as "Jeff" loves to talk about) that he beat him repeatedly in the head, thus explaining why he is such a dumbass and has such a dumbass stutter. This reincarnated messiah, too stupid from the head injury to attend to his messianic duties, focused his abilities on becoming a professional wrestler but failed. So is currently a dumbass cart pusher.
Too be honest the part about him being Jesus reborn is probably not true, but I think I heard somewhere that the part about his father beating him in the head is accurate. He's a dumbass fucktard but is a nice enough guy usually.
Anyway today he was trying to talk to me and Andy but I really didn't want to talk to the moron so I thought about how to make him leave. The old memory with the Shrek looking guy popped up and so I started asking him political questions (very simple ones I might add). He was a bit awkward since he's too stupid to know anything about politics. I kept probing him on political matters, explaining certain ideas as if I were talking to a child or a moron (the latter is the most applicable term) and forcing the dumbass to either say something intelligent or go the fuck away. As I assumed, the fucktard was only able to do the second and he quickly left in his slag wife's car.
#3: We analyze a random sin that legend has it can banish you to hell.
Let's see what random sin shall we analyze. How about "adultery"?
Adultery, what's it all about?
Is it wrong? Ok, if we assume it's wrong for the married partner to cheat on their husband or wife due to their wedding vows is it wrong for the man/woman to cheat with them even if they took no such vows? It's probably wrong just giving food for thought. Just a random subject, innit?
#4 is the mystery subject. Life is a funny thing. You see something and you think this is it. Then it's nothing and then yoku see something and you say "this is nothng, certainly not it" and then it stays but what about what was it and shit and htings of a similar ynature and I can't forget the former and shit innit?
I don't really havea topic #4. I had hoped I'd thinof something profound but I'm spend blog wise innit?
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| BOYAKA BOYAKA! JUNGLE IS MASSIVE!
BOYAKA BOYAKA! JUNGLE IS MASSIVE!
It has been a well long time since I has totally done a blog, innit? I is well ready to do one now.
I am talking like Ali G again, had a bit of beer, en;ough for a good fucking buzz. Speaking of Ali G Sacha Baron Cohen owes me a fucking lot of thanks for promoting and proseletyzing his shit. I got my brother into it during or after the first season. I got my friend Justin into it during the second season. I think I got a former cart pusher named Chris (though like P Diddy he changed his name first to 409 and now to 409-404-Cough Medicine-44) into the show a few months before Borat came out. Finally I got current cart pusher Rick into it and he even bought it on dvd.
UPDATE: I have eaten dinner and now, to stay buzzed enough to keep doing this I am now drinking this horrible concoction of 60% vodka and 40% Fresca. It tastes pretty bad but there is a lot of vodka in it.
So hear me now: This blog is well gonna be divided into four sections innit? Kinda like the four winds or the four directions or whatever else has four as a number.
BLOG SECTION #1: My vacation to Oshkosh, Wisconsin.
BLOG SECTION #2: How to repel a dumbass.
BLOG SECTION #3: We analyze a random sin that legend has it can banish you to hell.
BLOG SECTION #4: You would well like to know, innit? I don't even know yet. I is just totally going to play it by ear, innit? It is fucking gonna blow your mind.
Ok, so hear goes:
#1: My vacation to Oshkosh, Wisconsin.
'Twas a bit of an adventure innit? After traveling to Juno, Wisconsin (named after the Roman goddess Juno, which I totally got) my father, a pilot, was to meet with a group to fly in formation together to Oshkosh, Wisconsin, the biggest aviation event of the year and the busiest airport during that week. My dad flies a plane called an Ercoupe (built in 1946) and this was a fly in of all Ercoupes in formation (there was nine in total). Now listen people, there is nothing that special abokut a bunch of similar airplanes flying together in formation to Oshkosh's aviation festival (called AirVenture), but the Ercoupe fly in WAS special. "WHY WAS THE ERCOUPE FLY-IN SPECIAL?!?!?!" you is well asking, "TELL ME GODDAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I will tell you. One of the pilots was, shall we say, not your ordinary pilot. It was a young teen girl, a bit different in and of itself, who had NO FUCKING ARMS! That's right, how often do girls without arms fly planes? Not very fucking often. To be honest I was a bit nervous flying in formation with a girl with no arms piloting a plane in front of us. However, when I discovered she was Asian I was like totally relieved. You see, as bad as it may sound, and I don't want to sound racist, but I would trust an Asian young girl pilot without arms any day over a white young girl pilot with arms, especially a blonde white young girl pilot with arms. The affair was filmed by TLC (The Learning Channel) for a documentary.
Another television bit I witnessed being recorded was a race between a motorcycle and a plane. it was fake and dumb and nobody cared so they made people cheer the next day to edit some excitement into the show (a helicopter recorded it). The motorcycle was driven by a fellow known as Paul Sr. and the bit should air on a show called "American Chopper" innit?
Finally, at Oshkosh I was able to get my picture taken and kind of meet (at least exchange a few words with) one of my favourite actors, if not THEE favourite actor, Indiana Jones/Han Solo himself, Harrison Ford. I asked the bloke for a picture with him and he was nothing but gracious, polite and kind. I was afraid he would be an asshole, and was especially trepidatious after seeing Bruno, but he was totally cool.
#2: How to repel a dumbass.
For our second topic let's travel back in time to the year 2005 I think. We hired a dumbass cart pusher (many would find this phrase redundant) who looked a wee bit like Shrek from the Shrek series of movies. He was ugly, stupid and annoying. Let us focus on his stupidity. He was trying to hang around me and Chris one day (my bad, Chris is now known as 409-404-Cough Medicine-44) and since he was annoying we wanted to be rid of him. I started talking to 409-404-Cough Medicine-44 about politics, not too heavy, but heavy enough that you had to be at least not a total dumbass to follow. The Shrek looking dude walked away. 409-404-Cough Medicine-44 congratulated me for thwarting the dumbass.
Flash forward to 2009. August 2009 to be closer. August 8, 2009 to be exact. a new dumbass is here, we'll call him "Jeff". Perhaps not a 'tard but definitely a dumbass. He has called himself "Messiah" in the past, but I just call him "dumbass with a head injury". This bit reminds me of a legend concerning "Jeff" that me and Rick made up:
People have been wondering about the second coming of Christ for about two thousand years now. We thought that perhaps he did come back, but as "Jeff". He was perfect and would have saved humanity, but the new Joseph, "Jeff's" father was so jealous of how perfect "Jeff" was and how perfect his body was (as "Jeff" loves to talk about) that he beat him repeatedly in the head, thus explaining why he is such a dumbass and has such a dumbass stutter. This reincarnated messiah, too stupid from the head injury to attend to his messianic duties, focused his abilities on becoming a professional wrestler but failed. So is currently a dumbass cart pusher.
Too be honest the part about him being Jesus reborn is probably not true, but I think I heard somewhere that the part about his father beating him in the head is accurate. He's a dumbass fucktard but is a nice enough guy usually.
Anyway today he was trying to talk to me and Andy but I really didn't want to talk to the moron so I thought about how to make him leave. The old memory with the Shrek looking guy popped up and so I started asking him political questions (very simple ones I might add). He was a bit awkward since he's too stupid to know anything about politics. I kept probing him on political matters, explaining certain ideas as if I were talking to a child or a moron (the latter is the most applicable term) and forcing the dumbass to either say something intelligent or go the fuck away. As I assumed, the fucktard was only able to do the second and he quickly left in his slag wife's car.
#3: We analyze a random sin that legend has it can banish you to hell.
Let's see what random sin shall we analyze. How about "adultery"?
Adultery, what's it all about?
Is it wrong? Ok, if we assume it's wrong for the married partner to cheat on their husband or wife due to their wedding vows is it wrong for the man/woman to cheat with them even if they took no such vows? It's probably wrong just giving food for thought. Just a random subject, innit?
#4 is the mystery subject. Life is a funny thing. You see something and you think this is it. Then it's nothing and then yoku see something and you say "this is nothng, certainly not it" and then it stays but what about what was it and shit and htings of a similar ynature and I can't forget the former and shit innit?
I don't really havea topic #4. I had hoped I'd thinof something profound but I'm spend blog wise innit?
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| I bought some super glue for my god. My little god statue I bought in chicago. One of his four hands fell off. Got Skywalkered I guess you could say. So I glued it back on. It works but it looks a bit shit, imho. He's the Hindu Elephant god of good luck, Ganeesh I think his name is. Apparently the story goes he was having sex with his mother when his father shows up, gets pissed, and chops his head off. His mother, irked by this, bitches the father out for this and the fact that their son doesn't have a head anymore. THe father acquiesces and so finds an elephant and chops his head off so his son can use it and have a head again. I'm still not that bloody well sure what this is a god of good luck.
At work our mentally challenged cart pusher "Mel" got an award for being accident free for four years. This in spite of the fact that he hit a few people including a greeter who sued the store over his injuries and was awarded a settlement. It was mentioned to Mel that he probably shouldn't get this award because of these events, but Mel said that one of those events does count because it "was an accident."
This brandy I'm drinking was specially bottled (only 1,000 bottles were produced) to commemorate the opening of a temple in Germany based on an earlier temple in Germany based on an ancient Greek temple. I'm drinking from bottle #430 of 1,000.
I just saw this thing that killed my mood. Seriously I've been happy all day then I see this thing.
There's nothing good on tv. The good news is I got several new HD channels.
So I finished what was left in the brandy bottle. Now my instinct is to throw away the bottle since there's nothing left in the bottle, but I start thinking that this is a special edition bottle commemorating the founding of a temple based on a temple based on ancient Greek temples or whatever. I wee don't think that the oracle of Delphi would be very bloody supportive of that SHITE or anything, eh? Plus this is #430 of 1,000. It' sa bloody collectors item, this bottle, innit??!?!?
I miss Miss Cleo. Does anyone else miss Miss Cleo? The Jamaican psychic who warned women "he's cheating on ya, honey!" You don't hear from her now since she got in trouble for fraud or something. I once thought that she was a great psychic and she must have a high midichlorian count or somethign. | | |
| A week or two ago I did a favour for this coworker that I call on here "Mentally Slow Mel". Now I don't call him "mentally slow" Mel because he challenged, but because...well actually I guess I do call him "Mentally Slow Mel" because he's challenged. Anyway He needed me to work his later shift for him because he wanted to take his girlfriend to the cinema to see My Bloody Valentine 3D. I told him yes but that I wanted him to at least get lucky with her. But the bloke said the movie wasn't showing in town so he didn't even go out with her. What a bummer!
Mel went to shovel snow off the sidewalk at the Walmarts or some such nonsense. The shovel he chose was all bent up and useless. I remember remarking to myself I think "even his shovel is retarded". That probably wasn't a well good thing for me to say or think. Mel is a good guy and this green drink is dedicated to him.
I'm reading an article comparing the USA of today to ancient Rome, namely its' decline. This has certainly been done before. Pat Buchanan (a favoured writer of mine) has sung this note countlessly in his articles. I think this is overblown. Rome lasted 1,000 years before its' decline. People often date its' decline to Nero, but it lasted more than 300 years after Nero, longer than the USA has existed. Even after Rome itself fell the Byzantine empire, very much a part of the Roman Empire lasted centuries longer. So historians are a bit too flippant in stressing Rome's downfall in my opinion.
This article I'm reading stresses Rome's Emperor worship as an element of its' downfall. Again, the three centuries plus of Emperor worship mixed with stable government/empire leads one to find the author's objections questionable. This Emperor worship, though inspiring deeds as ghastly as the famed Christian persecution, provided Rome was a strong national unity, which the author himself admits.
The authors' main point, however, is quite valid. He notes that while the Emperor worship established national unity, it's cost was any sembalance of the Republic Rome used to be. As a republic gains the spoils of empire, can it keep its' democracy? The author compares the hoopla over Barack Obama's presidency (I voted for him btw) to the Empiror worship of ancient Rome. He's not really a conservative, but a libertarian (a paleo one who by and large hated Bush and want to see him charged with war crimes). Is America's democracy in trouble. Will our choices be, or are the already, trimmed down to only those acceptable to a government bent towards Empire?
Carl asi f he was in the imaginary world one we did not see. Dark secret I guess. Got a job, decent enough I guess, with Bill Cox, fixing lawn mowers and what not.
hey, a cokuple questions which one would be a well a thinkin' to no aask or say or such. I looked a bit at my last blog or such that I forgot. All I saw in it was the word "dopamine". I know what I was saying I think. I hate to think that such major things all are relagated to brain chemicals, thokugh at other times thokughts like that well comfort me ro such. Maybe so. Guess all things of that nature leave me with is questions that I'd rather just have answered with "yes" or I'd just like to forget the questions. It's a bitch I guess or maybe the issue is best out of my mind or such.
Blogs kinda sucked, perhaps sucked for awhile, they used to be pretty good and entertaining. Why do I do the blog shit? Don't know. Guess hope for what the used to be or hope that something gets figured out or some such nonsense or such.
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| Respek muthafuckas!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously I think I pissed off some other cart pushers like "Sal" from the shrimp story and I think I called him "Jeff"?!???!?!?! and perhaps this other guy I'll call "Aseph"
They were all three on one side with donkey and I was on the other side. So I didn't push a lot doing a bit of piss poor job so that they had to clean it up when I went to lunch. Yeah, so fuck them! Nah, I like them well enough!
409, the cart pusher we call "Mentally Slow Mel" told you to get back to work!
I don't really hang out with other people that much. I'm not sure why. I think I'm just not that interested in other people. I sort of see myself as being more interesting than anyone I could talk to and if I wanted some provocative insight I'd just read a book or google something interesting. I guess I've sort of preferred to be a loner since perhaps junior high. That said there is one person I have come to really respect and call a friend. Rick the cart pusher. If I had to confide somethign personal in anyone I would probably just choose not to confide it, but if someone had a gun to my head and said "confide what you feel you need to confide to some random person" I think I'd choose Rick. I've had a lot to drink some brandy and Irish creme and whatnot. I guess I'm gettin' muthafooking sentafuckingmental.
There are other people that I dig too, like Jake, 409, etc. Sal from the shrimp stor is cool.
SO I got this thing, and well, this thing seems groovy, well the problem is some dark passages full of weird hangups that I think will come to issue. THis dude I think is coming to know. I think he would be a bit disturbed by the naturalistic implications of the scenerio. THough he would also feel responsible for initiating possibly toxic scenerios. I kinda follow the thing in an apples and oranges sort of way but as of now I am only involved peripherally. Or not at all. RIght now, there's nothing involved.
Every night I dream of strange locations filled iwth familliar people. I know them. Somer are not obviusly present but there's an ethereal presence. The dark, soft lighting in my dreams calls to mind places in the recesses of my brain.
Ij ust read some above paragraphs I wrote and don't understand waht the fuck I have been typing.
It's almost fuckign Christams. Merry Christmas people! | | |
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